Princess Commandy-pants

While out at lunch with the family yesterday--think party of 14--Uncle Kendell, me and Lily all ordered sweet tea to drink. When it arrived, I look over at Uncle Kendell and whisper, "Does yours have sugar in it?" He answers no, and we both pull out the sugar packets, unhappy, but prepared to make the best of it.

Lily, meanwhile has tasted her tea and proceeds to have this conversation with our waitress...

Lily: Miss Waitress!! Miss Waitress!!
Waitress: (surprised to be addresses by the three year old) Yes, ma'am?
Lily: Waitress? Um...my sweet tea taste-es like water. Could you fix it please? (Imagine 13 of Lily's family members now speechless, watching this happen)
Waitress: um...of course. It taste-es like water, you said?
Lily: uh huh! It taste-es like water!

The waitress takes the cup and disappears. A few minutes pass and we regain the ability to speak. The waitress returns with three glasses of sweet tea and an apologetic look. She heads over to Lily and says..

Waitress: I'm so sorry, ma'am. We forgot to put the sugar in the sweet tea. Would you please taste it and make sure it's ok?
Lily: (takes cup, sips) that's much better. Thank you.

Waitress hands Kendell and me drinks which do, in fact, taste much better, and we manage to say thank you.

Eric and I DID pray for a decisive child who knew her own mind and could easily make decisions.

Jesus Died on a Seesaw

Lily: (playing with crayons, she holds them in the shape of a cross) Mommy, Jesus died on a cross.
Mommy: Yes he did.
Lily: (looks at the crayons) But a cross is kind of like a seesaw.

Lily-isms: on the subject of Jello

Lily: I don't want a little brother. I want a little sister...AND a BIG sister.
Kalyn: I think that ship might have sailed.

Lily: (to Carolyn) I have a magic wand and I will turn you to a big sister.
Erin: what will you turn me into?
Lily: you are the queen **poof**
Erin: Lily, you are a bright child. 

Eric: Do you remember how you said you'd really like a sibling?

Lily: Uh-huh. 

Eric: Well. Mommy and Daddy decided to grow one for you. In November, Mommy will go to the hospital and have your baby brother or sister. 

Lily: ::sudden, torrential wailing::

Mommy: Sweetheart, what's wrong!? We thought you'd be happy!

Lily: ::sniffling:: He said it might be a BROTHER!

Lily: When will my baby sister get here?

Mommy: well, it takes nine months to grow a baby, so Jello--who could be a brother--will get here in November. 

Lily: It takes too long to grow babies!

Mommy: when it's time for Jello to come out of Mommy's tummy, Mommy will have to go to the hospital. Daddy will have to come with me to take care of me. That means you will need to have a sleepover with one of the aunties. You could stay with Auntie Melissa, Uncle Chris and Taevin, or with Auntie Julia,  Uncle Cookie, and Andrew, or with Auntie Marnie and Uncle Toph...

Lily: Auntie Marnie!! Auntie Marnie!! Mommy? Can you go to the hospital now?

Lily: Mommy?

Mommy: Yes, dear?

Lily: in a few weeks, you're going to go to the doctor and he's going to pull out his magic wand and zap your tummy--don't worry, though, it won't hurt. THEN he can tell us if Jello is a sister or a brother. ::looks at me sternly:: Jello should be a SISTER. 

Lily: You went to the doctor and he took a picture of Jello with his special camera. And Jello lifted her little arm and waved at you!

Mommy: that's right. 

Lily: yep. She had little fingers and little toes and a cute little outfit. 

Mommy: um...Lily, babies don't get any clothes until they come OUT of mommy tummies. 

Lily: (with horror) You mean they're NEKKED!! 

Lily: When my baby sister is born you'll have two daughters!!

Mommy and Daddy: Yup. We will have two children. 

Lily: everyone will think she's sooooooooooo cute...and they'll think I'M Ah-maaaaaaaazing!

No Internet

Lily: I married Andrew. I'm going to stay with him forever!
Mommy: If you are going to stay with Andrew, do I get a Mother-In-Law cabin?
Lily: Yep
Mommy: And cable TV?
Lily: Yep
Mommy: And a recliner?
Lily: Yep
Mommy: And endless bon bons?
Lily: Yep
Mommy: Sounds like a good deal to me!
Daddy: What about Daddy?
Lily: I don't want to marry you! You're already married!
Daddy: No, can I stay with Mommy?
Lily: *thinks* Ok
Daddy: And have high speed internet?
Lily: *looks at Daddy like he's crazy* Nope
Daddy: *sad face*

This is my friendly Zombie

Lily: (in teacher voice) Where do we protect our brains?
Mommy: in our heads?
Lily: right! We protect our brains in our heads...from the ZOMBIES! Mommy? Do zombies eat brains?
Mommy: yes, baby.
Lily: not THIS zombie. (Points to new imaginary zombie friend) THIS zombie is a FRIENDLY zombie. He eats chicken.
Andrew: (in complete seriousness) Yep. Chicken.

Rapanzel Hair

Lily: I'm not gonna cut my hair. It's gonna grow longer and longer and longer! Like Tangled's (read: Rapunzel) hair!
Mommy: that will make Grand-Da very happy. He always wanted my hair to look like Rapunzel's. (Technically, he wanted my hair to look like Crystal Gayle's, but Lily doesn't know who that is yet.)
Lily: no he didn't!
Mommy: yes he did. The longer then better. But when it got long enough to be consistently caught in my school chair I got angry and chopped it all off.
Lily: (considers this for a moment). When you chop off your hair and become a mean mommy, I'll still love you.
Mommy: well, thank you, but I think I can be a nice mommy even if I cut my hair.
Lily: oh good. I want you to stay the nicest mama ever!

Two Feet

(Lily was at the doctor today and measured 38 inches tall)

Daddy: You're getting big. You are 38 inches tall, that's 3 feet and 2 inches!
Lily: No no silly Daddy! I only have 2 feet!