The Pirate and the Pirate Princess

Up and Out of My Throat!

Lily: what are you drinking?

Mommy: mommy juice (cranberry juice) and water. 

Lily: is the water for Jello?

Mommy: yep. 

Lily: I have a Jello in my tummy. I'm feeding it mac and cheese so it will grow bigger and bigger and bigger and come up out of my throat!

Mommy: out of your throat, huh?

Lily: yep. But my throat is kind of a small hole. What if my Jello grows too big for my throat?

Mommy: maybe your throat will expand. 

Lily: (thinks for a second) that's a great idea! It sure is good that throat hole expands. 

Mommy: yep. Throat hole. Uh huh. 

I can't even have this conversation with you right now!

Lily: I'm all dressed. I've got my tutu and my Minnie crown and I'm ready to go. 

Mommy: you look very pretty, but your tutu is see-through. Please go put on some pants under it. 

Lily: I don't think so. I don't like to wear pants under it. 

Mommy: I understand, but its not polite to show your panties while running errands. 

Lily: but pants don't match my outfit!

Mommy: I understand you have a very defined sense of fashion. Put on your pants and we can go now.

Lily: (exasperated) I CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! You've made me feel very upset and very ANGRY!

Mommy: (stifling a laugh because psychologist, share-my-feelings Lily is surprisingly cute) I'm sorry you feel that way. Here are two pairs of pants. Take as much time as you need, but you may not leave this room until you are wearing one of them. (Mommy goes to Mommy's room)

(less than one minute later in Mommy's room)

Lily: (in a confidential voice) Sometimes people have to do things they really don't want to do. Things that make them angry. Like wearing pants. Wearing pants makes me angry. But I still love you. 

Valuable Lesson Learned

Don't blow bubbles in your juice box. (This creates a fountain of juice that soaks your brand new My Little Ponies shirt)

Oh I just can't wait...

Lily: (singing on her way back to the table from the potty) Everybody look left! Everybody look right! Oh I just can't wait to be QUEEN!!!!

A mommy with great powers

Mommy: Lily, when we make a mess we need to clean it up...not play in it.

Lily: Ok. Here's the deal. If you are mean to me again, I'm going to look for a new mommy. ::lowers her voice and looks down her nose at me:: A mommy with great powers.

Princess Commandy-pants

While out at lunch with the family yesterday--think party of 14--Uncle Kendell, me and Lily all ordered sweet tea to drink. When it arrived, I look over at Uncle Kendell and whisper, "Does yours have sugar in it?" He answers no, and we both pull out the sugar packets, unhappy, but prepared to make the best of it.

Lily, meanwhile has tasted her tea and proceeds to have this conversation with our waitress...

Lily: Miss Waitress!! Miss Waitress!!
Waitress: (surprised to be addresses by the three year old) Yes, ma'am?
Lily: Waitress? Um...my sweet tea taste-es like water. Could you fix it please? (Imagine 13 of Lily's family members now speechless, watching this happen)
Waitress: um...of course. It taste-es like water, you said?
Lily: uh huh! It taste-es like water!

The waitress takes the cup and disappears. A few minutes pass and we regain the ability to speak. The waitress returns with three glasses of sweet tea and an apologetic look. She heads over to Lily and says..

Waitress: I'm so sorry, ma'am. We forgot to put the sugar in the sweet tea. Would you please taste it and make sure it's ok?
Lily: (takes cup, sips) that's much better. Thank you.

Waitress hands Kendell and me drinks which do, in fact, taste much better, and we manage to say thank you.

Eric and I DID pray for a decisive child who knew her own mind and could easily make decisions.